[svlug] Wheel Mouse Optical... Evil?

Michael Eric Battle mikebat at getnet.net
Fri Jan 4 23:10:02 PST 2002

Dagmar d'Surreal wrote:
> Basically this email is an information McNugget with no real goal other
> than to see if there are people with similar info paying attention who
> might care to comment and fill in some details...
> It is, in part, being sent because I spent a ton of time dealing with
> this, a simple _mouse_ problem...
> I've got a Microsoft "Wheel Mouse Optical".

Sounds like a Redmond problem to me.

> Note the odd grammar of the name, because it's important.

Note the brander's name, because it's important.

> It's an ambidextrous optical mouse which works fine under Windows.  
> However, it doesn't work for beans under Unix.

And this surprises you?

> Gpm 1.19.3 seems to be able to...
> If any of you have one of these little beasties (they seem like decent
> hardware to me)

Ah!  Hold it right there.  That's where you've strayed from the path.

How did that go?  ...."The day Micro$oft makes something that doesn't
will be the day they try to assimilate the vacuum cleaner market."

Look, the Empire has explained at length why *NIX "makes no sense on the
HMmmm...  Guess thay've taken that down.  Here's a mirror:
Why do you want a mouse for UNIX anyway?  
Everybody knows _UNIX_has_no_GIU_!

*NIX on the desktop is so stupid that the Empire has taken up a massive
crusade against it!  Part of this crusade consists of breaking the *NIX
interoperability of every single M$ product.  Of sourse this will
their _mice_!  Bill Gates invented the mouse anyway!!  What makes you
you're entitled to use Micro$oft inventions or products with UNIX??  If
you'll read the (imbedded) software license that came with that mouse, 
you're likely to find that it's actually a violation of the EULA and the
DMCA to use that mouse on other than a Micro$oft(tm) Winbloze(r) system!

You yourself know what's wrong here.  You hint at it in your title.
Have you seen "the Lord of the Rings" yet?  It's kinda like that, a 
desperate war between good and evil.  Good, with nothing to really 
gain, but standing to lose everything, struggles at every encounter
with evil, which is motivated solely by the gains envisioned via its
unbridled greed.  Until evil is destroyed, good will forever be

I think you know what you have to do now.  You must journey to Redmond,
where you must infiltrate the beast itself so that you may gain access 
to the tallest building on the Micro$oft complex.  You must take your
M$ Wheel Optical Mouse Evil, and hurl it from the roof of this building
onto the concrete below, destroying it utterly beyond the ability of the
Evil Empire to reconstruct the mouse, or your personal data that it has
gathered while it has been spying on you.  You must kill it.  KILL IT!!!
Alternatively, if you still have the box, you might be able to get some
$$$ for it on eBay.

Then go down to Fry's and buy a non-Micro$oft mouse with 3 buttons, like
everybody knows a good UNIX mouse needs anyway, for one-half or
of what you paid for the M$ evil mouse, or maybe less.  Personally I
like the ones that look like NASCAR race cars.


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